Thursday, February 19, 2009


I am so not good at blogging yet!! I think about needing to blog about a million times a day and just don't take the time~I guess when you know you have readers then that helps motivates you~so I am always reading other blogs and adding them to my list to keep up with so I went to do that today and to my surprise I had 2 comments!!! WOW!! I was so excited to see them! Mainly because I have told NOONE about this blog in my "real" life. Mainly because noone really knows what I am feeling about the whole pregnancy issue. They know I want another one~just don't know how long we have been trying. So thank you!! You made my day!!

Today hasn't been great~I woke up with a migraine~I deal with these on a fairly regular basis unfortunately. I panicked a lil because I knew that a friend of mine was bringing her 2 boys over at 12:30 for me to babysit. I quickly got my brother to run to the pharmacy for Imitrex and prayed it would kick in quickly. I might add that I am battling a cold again. It seems I get well for 2 weeks and then it comes back~this has been going on since Christmas!!! So I just didn't feel good at all.

The boys got here and I thought, "Yea~playmates for Olivia!!" WE go to church with this family so Olivia is fairly close to Isaac and Carder andyway so I didn't think too much about having them over. I usually babysit at their house but today it didn't work out that way. Let me just say~BAD IDEA!!! Olivia is not used to having other kiddos playing with her toys. She was not handling it very well. SHe was soo emotional. Cried most of the afternoon over my bed, my kitchen, my doll, my car!! I was sooo tired! She hauled off and hit Carder, who is also 2, in the face with a xylophone stick and I had had it!!! SHe immediately went to her room for "time out" and threw the biggest fit ever! After her 2 minutes in time out I brought her out to apologize to Carder and she said, "I wanna take a nap" So I laid her in our bed and she was out!

She really is a

sweet girl, but not used to sharing her toys. Definately something we will work on. We go to playgroup every week and she does good at other houses so I didn't think anything of it. It opened my eyes for sure~we need to work on it!!

In other news~I haven't done that good with my scripture reading this week. I have a mentor at church and one of the things she has encouraged me to work on is getting back into the Word. It's not that I don't want to do this~I just get busy and then lay down to go to bed and think, "oh no I forgot my reading/quiet time!" I guess I need to set my alarm or something until I get into the habit of it again. I noticed such a difference in my attitude when I am in His Word. God is faithful and merciful and THANK GOODNESS for that!!! He has patience with me even when I have none with myself!

I took 4 hpt this past week~yes FOUR!!! It's not that I had any one reason to think I should I just keep hoping that one will end up positive since I have no dates or anything to go by. I wish I could have a cycle, ovulate, then test 14 days later! OH well~God has another plan~FAITH, FAITH, FAITH!!

Thank you all for your prayers! I appreciate them SOOOO much! More than you even know!!! Also, thank you for taking the time to check out this blog~I am not as eloquent as some or as interesting but this is my life!
This is Olivia as a pig on a recent trip to The Wonder Place~we always have such fun when we go there!

Monday, February 16, 2009

New stuff

So I have decided to start this blog for me. We have been off birth control for 7 months now and nothing. It took 6 weeks with Olivia!! What is going on? I know I am supposed to trust God and wait on His timing and I do. I can't help but wonder if something is wrong though. I know it can take healthy couples up to a year to get pregnant and what is going on is completely normal...or is it? Only 1 cycle since July? That one being in October and only had that one because I was put on Provera to MAKE it happen. Can't be normal can it? Anyway...I needed a place to vent. A safe place. There may be people who will read this...yea!! I hope some do. I know so many people have been through worse. And I have a beautiful girl to watch grow up so why I am not content with that? She is my world. She is hilariously funny right now at 2. She is soo very polite without even being asked. She makes me heart smile. My arms long to hold another one of my very own...

I have been reading Kelly's blog and she is an amazing woman of God. She has caused me to think about so much in my life lately. Just to reflect on where I was with my relationship with God and how I was living my life. Was I preparing my oil and my oil lamp like I should be? Like the parable in Matthew 25. I had to read that for worship practice and that got me thinking. Am I letting myself stay empty and not filling up with the Word and with the things of God so that I CAN be a light for Olivia? Is being at home with her instead of working doing either of us any good if I am not using that time like the Lord has showed me I should? She might as well be in daycare because if I am empty all the time I am doing her no favors. Just a few of the things that I have been pondering on lately...

SO this blog is a place for myself to heart, my hurts, my fears, my family, my life....with you if you want...